The Devious Tale of June Chipmunk, Part 1

I knew I'd get to this post eventually. It was one of the main reasons I created a blog with a Karma theme in the first place.

You see, in this post I'm going to attempt to click a Karmic refresh button by telling you a true story. It's my hope that by sharing this tale, by putting the facts out there, by reliving a painful memory, I can "remind" the universe of a grave injustice that has yet to be rectified.

"But, Rider," you say, "Karma doesn't work that way. It marches to its own metaphysical beat. You can't just alter its cosmic to-do list with a simple blog post."

To which I say, What's it hurt to give 'er a kick-start and see if she turns over? All I'm doing is telling a story to the World Wide Web. If something happens, it happens.

"Meet Mr. Rider"

One fine day in August 2007, a retail sales manager named Rider was given some incredible news. The man giving him the news was a well-liked area sales manager named Carmichael.

"Rider," Carmichael said, "you've been with the company eleven months now, and I've decided to promote you to store manager. Congratulations."

Rider was thrilled by the news, although he had called the promotion a few months earlier. He loved the job, he loved his coworkers, and he loved the company's culture. He had never been in charge of an entire retail location--and the challenges were intimidating--but he was sure he could handle it.

He was fired three months later, on November 16, by his boss Carmichael.

But we're skipping ahead.

When Rider's promotion was officially announced to Carmichael's district, not everyone was happy with the news. Two managers in the same retail location were deeply affected by Carmichael's decision.

The first was a fat fuck named Robbie Baretta. (I use that vulgar phrase because if you saw this man walking through the mall, you'd say, "Now that's a fat fuck.") He was the manager of the Countrydale store that Rider would be taking over. He had a sense of entitlement to his position. He decorated his office with a ridiculous amount of Chicago Bears paraphernalia, which made it look more like a den than a place of business.

Because Baretta was so comfortable in his Bears den, he made very little effort to improve sales, which was Carmichael's primary reason to move him to another location where he'd actually have to try harder.

The second manager affected by Rider's promotion was a sales manager named June Chipmunk.

Chipmunk felt she deserved to take over the Countrydale location. Baretta had told her that she was a golden blip on Carmichael's radar. The fat fuck's sense of entitlement had rubbed off on her, and she loved how it felt around her shoulders.

But now this Rider fellow had leapfrogged past her--knocking flabby Baretta and his furry Bears slippers clear into the next town. She would have to answer to him and wait even longer for the next management position to open up.

As Baretta packed his Bears shit into cardboard boxes, a decision was reached. Whether this decision was made by one or both of them is still unclear.

What is certain, however, is that while the Bears den was being dismantled, a lion's den was being assembled in its place.

Rider walked into the trap on September 1, 2007.

He never saw what hit him.

To be continued...